Tainted Souls

i have just found out that she knows something... she's backstabbing me already...

wow... i admit... i never saw that one coming...

oh well...

that's life.
that sucks.
life sucks.

i know i'm an airhead. you want a pin? i'll give you one.

pop me. kill me. i don't care.


am preparing for a mental battle this sembreak. me need to kill conscience.

there is no hell.
there is no heaven.
there is no after-life.
what we have now is what matters.
live life.
no regrets.
no turning back.

i am now dead broke... or will be once i figure out how to give the "world" the money...


and now... i will cry...

T_T

T.T

T-T


and i have no money to buy internet cards...

Obsessed.
You may like yaoi too much...of course, one can
never have enough yaoi. ^_^ You often find
yourself banging your head on the monitor for
lack of it...you must have more Inu/Miro! I can
sympathize with you greatly.


How Much of A Yaoi Fan Are YOU? (For girls)
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Congratulations! You're DOMINATRIX BITCHY PERVERT
ANGEL! This brand of angel are very dominative,
powerful and dangerous! Woo! Despite being a
bit on the "bow to me bitch" side,
you can be a caring individual. You believe in
your own powers and have hide confidence. And
you like S&M, major bonus! XD


xWhat type of perverted angel are you?x (anime pics)
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You're an Angsty Uke.
For you, the glass is always half empty. No one
loves you. And even if they did, you don't
deserve it. Cheer up a bit, huh?


What Type of Uke Are You?
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Bondage Yaoi


What's Your Yaoi?
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Total Hentai


What Kind of a Hentai Yaoi Freak are You?
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Total Yaoi Fan


How much of a Yaoi fangirl are you?
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The Yaoi Selector: Which Seme are You?
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You're OOC yaoi. If the charachter doesn't fit the
form, don't change the form, change the
character! You can mold Vegeta into a weeping
maiden and Hiei into a cuddly kitten. Everyone
loves you! Well, they better, or you'll make
them.


What kind of yaoi are you?
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You're dark yaoi. You like lots of angsty emotional
turmoil and you're probably into NCS fics. In
real life, you might be depressed, or maybe
you're just poetic?


What kind of yaoi are you?
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YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI!! I eat yaoi, breath yaoi,
sleep and dream about yaoi. IT'S MINE I TELL
YOU!! MMMIINNEEE!!


How much into yaoi are you?
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Hardcore Yaoi Fan!
You've watched Ai no Kusabi 100 times, and have so
many Yaoi mangas in your room, you're thinking
of adding an addition just to store them. You
don't even bother LOOKING at a show if it
doesn't have SOME yaoi in it. Bondage, NC,
Porn, you don't care, as long as all the
characters involved are male. Your brain is so
saturated with Yaoi, you singger when you see
two cute guys ordering together at MacDonalds.
You are the epitome of Yaoi
fans...congradulations!


What kind of Yaoi fan are YOU!?
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Hardcore Yaoi


What's Your Yaoi?
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Rain...
Dead people in the sky cry...
now for whom do they cry?
For me?
For God?
For ...
mankind?
That we are all doomed to die?
It is our destiny.
We live, grow old, and die.
Everybody dies.
It is life.
Life is death.
He gave us life.
We live for him. God.
- Horrid


Better? Good god man, have you no compassion? That man has a cracked soul; he lost the one thing that made him happy and want to continue his existence! He's lost everything, he's has nothing here in this world so he is forced to make his own reality in order to survive, he is lost to us! Lost! He's in so much pain that even I with my meager Empathy is under pressure when being so much as five meters near him!
- There is no love by Kanashii Wolf


A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
- Joseph Stalin


to be continued later on...

01. I Believe
translation by: seohee (sbsk.net/forums)

Girl, Let me prove that my love is real
I'll give all my love to you, Please Trust me

I believe...I believe that one can fall in love at first sight, though I told you that it wasn't possible.

I only hid this thought from you because I was afraid that you would look at me as if I was careless and hasty.

To tell the truth, ever since I met you I only lived with thoughts of you.

There was only one thing on my mind from when I woke up in the morning to when I went to bed at night.

I believe in you...I will send all my feelings for you through the the way I look at you.

Do you know how my heart feels, how I want to keep the feelings I have for you hidden?

Even the fearful feelings for when you might leave me one day.

You...

Love is a nervous feeling that flutters your heart...

it is like a breathtaking lonliness...

Please keep looking at me with the same eyes...always and forever like this.

If only you could stay close enough to me so that my heart can relax...

just so that I could see you...

I would be very happy.

I believe in you...I will send all my feelings for you through the the way I look at you.

Do you know how my heart feels, how I want to keep the feelings I have for you hidden?

Even the fearful feelings for when you might leave me one day.

You...

If I could stay by your side like this...

If, in the end, it is that I don't know anything about how much I love you.

I believe in you...I will send all my feelings for you through the the way I look at you.

Do you know how my heart feels, how I want to keep the feelings I have for you hidden?

Even the fearful feelings for when you might leave me one day.

I can't let you go

You are the only one in my life...

I HAVE FOUND A PAIRING IN GETBACKERS!!!

anyway...
this is a crappy fanfic. please don't read. but if you read... you have to reply.

the last part is hurried up... so forgive me. this is Mido Ban's POV.



Cursed Eyes by Scythel


Why?

these eyes...

they show people what they want to see...

what they want...

even for once in their lives... to see what they want to see...

Why won't it work on me?

I own them... why can't i use them for my own purposes?

I see him everyday... he's so happy... i always wanted him to be happy.

we are partners,

bestfriends.

but sometimes i want more from him...

i crave more from him...

i need him...

yes... i do love him...


sometimes when we don't have clients, i would stare at the mirror and try to make these damned eyes to work on me.

to give me a piece of heaven that i've always desired.

even once.

once in my life.

because i know it will never happen.


i see him happy.

i see him throw those love sick looks at another person.

another person that isn't me.

and i hate it.

But... it's what makes him happy... and when he's happy, i'm happy.

it always works that way, huh?

anything to make your loved one happy even if it costs your own...

but sometimes it's too much...

that's why i'm here...

in my room...


even if my eyes won't work on me... there are always other alternatives.


yes... Ban is on drugs...

hmm... im just posting for time's sake...

i wonder what happened to scar... tagal din nyang hindi nagcol up sa akin... nu kayang ginagawa nya... bwisit na taong yon... tumaas tuloy ako... di na ako level 7 ng hell... pumuntang purgatoryo na ako...


bwisit na buhay to o...

i feel so lazy.
i am becoming stupid too.
i wonder if im going to die soon.
i hope so.
sorry about the entry.
ideas just pop out of nowhere you know.
so do words.
and they pop out all in a continous broken string.

BOO!

it's days like these wherein you would really like to walk in the rain with an umbrella all by yourself, and contemplating on life.

today's topic:

EVIL and MISERY


A person that i know (friends? what friends?) once told me: "you're just pretending to be evil"

pretending to be evil? what is there to be evil about? i mean... maybe my head and my lust for blood and death may be considered evil but it's not THAT evil. and the whole of my being is not evil... if you think that im evil, think again. i am not evil, and no matter how much sin misery is... it's not evil.

misery is being experienced by everybody. there is no total happiness. one must experience pain and misery while you're stuck with mortality (and especially immortality). you cannot avoid it. we all commit misery as well as sin but it's not the same with committing something evil. misery is not evil no matter how much of a sin it is. that is my cause.

i am miserable. period. i am not evil nor pretending to be evil no matter how much of an abomination i am.


yes. i am ranting. who cares? i always rant in my head and the only one willing to hear me or would want to hear me. like what i said: friends? what friends? i may have some acquaintances but the only real friend i have is myself and my head... and maybe my hotdog pillow too. i consider everybody else as an aquaintance. nothing more.

i love ranting. i don't know why. i also love talking to myself (like what im doing now). but...

okay. i'll stop now.

I:

Your Beauty lies
in Sadness. Lonely, depressed and feeling broken.
For whatever reason, you see
this world only for the bad that it holds carrying
the burdens of yourself and
others. Some people like to be with you and your
unique vantage point when they
are down, you are someone who can sympathize with
them. But you find yourself
alone again when they seem to find a solution and
are happy again, yet you still
are stuck in this rut. Do not worry, you will make
it out at some time. Everyone
does, if you try. When you are seen all others want
to do is make your pain go
away, but that is something only you can do. You
probably keep to yourself a lot
and don't like to let people in, afraid to be hurt
again. You feel empty and
helpless and your looks reflect that, often seen
with tears in your eyes.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Dark, Earth Animal: Robin Color:
Grays, Blacks, Dark
Colors Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence
Expression:
Tearful Frown

Gemstone:
Aquamarine Mythological Creature: Spirit,
Gargoyle Planet: Mercury Hair
Color: Blue-Black Eye Color:
Gray

Quote:
"Am I too lost to be saved?"

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E:

Your Beauty lies
in Mystery. Captivating, mysterious and alone. You
are the girl in the little
black number that no one seems to know, the eternal
mystery girl. You make it a
point to never let anyone know more about you than
you want them to and do a
very good job of it. You're there one minute and
gone the next leaving them in
wonder of who you really are. A mature and normally
calm individual, quiet and
enjoy spending many hours of the day on your own,
most likely preferring night
to day . You love the dark and some may find you a
bit strange. You seem to be
rather distant and cold making hard for people to
get close to you, though you
probably like the distance they usually keep. You
probably wear make-up, but
concentrate more around your eyes than anything.
You know the effect you have
and enjoy keeping people in wonder.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Dark, Water Animal: Panther Color:
Black, Maroon, Dark
Tones Song: In The Shadows by The Rasmus
Expression:
Sly Smile

Gemstone:
Black Diamond Mythological Creature: Demon,
Vampire Planet: Venus
Hair Color: Black Eye Color:
Garnet

Quote:
"In the shadows for all time."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
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Material Wishlist


1. Money... above P1000 each
2. Shinhwa-Brand New (album)
3. TVfXQ 3rd Storybook
4. TVfXQ 2nd Storybook
5. TVfXQ 1st Storybook
6. Tsubasa 1 (manga)
7. Tsubasa 2 (manga)
8. Tsubasa 3 (manga)
9. Saiyuki DVD Box Set 2
10. Saiyuki DVD Box Set 3
11. Saiyuki DVD Box Set 4
12. Sakura Vocal CD Box Set
13. S- fr. in Cl. (album)
14. Deep Purple collection
15. Utada Hikaru-Exodus (album)